Sunday, December 10, 2006

Letters - 8th May, 2005

Get me out of here. I have seen enough. I called Abba…and he must be on his way already.

I did not want to write this down…but I know I have to put what I have seen, felt and experienced into words. I am afraid I might lose my mind.

I am being haunted by apparitions and ghouls. I cannot sleep because she calls me every night. Her voice shrieks…but I have begun to believe that it is only me who can hear her. I cannot shut my ears to the sound. Her voice seems to reverberate in my head.

She seems omnipresent. I see her everywhere in some form or the other. Her eyes…I cannot see her eyes. Sunken orbs they seem. I feel fear, gunnu…I feel it, in spite of myself, every moment.

I am afraid to look around at this moment. She might be here…as I write you this. I can hardly type.

The only ones who believe me are Asif and Professor Mathias. They have understood how dangerous it is for me to stay here. I called Abba soon after.

I do not know if I can stay here in Mumbai. I am afraid of every shadow, every object, every person. It seems like the city will swallow me whole. It seems evil. It reeks of evil. I am afraid to shut my eyes even during prayer.

I do not look at mirrors. I seem grotesque. I hardly recognize myself. I have stopped going to college for the last two days. I cannot stay in my room, so I spend my day at the promenade. The only one’s I have met is Asif and the Professor. They are the only one’s I speak to.

I just need to leave.

Professor mathias said that I can do my Management from Ahmedabad through distance studies. Once Abba arrives I shall ask him to accompany me while I speak to the Dean about the arrangement.

My roommates are terrible. They laugh. They poke fun…and they spread nonsense about me. I avoid people at college…they look at me as if I’m possessed. The only friend I have is Asif. He has offered to accompany me to Ahmedabad to help me get things straightened out.

I feel so weak and defeated. It seems like my dreams are dissolving into nothingness. I can hardly concentrate on studies. I hardly eat.

I miss you terribly…and I want to come home.



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